This past weekend on March 7, 2015, my lovely veteran police wife turned 32 years old! I’ve been involved in the law enforcement career field since March 1998, and on the civilian side of the law since March 2003, and she has been with me in just over seven of those years. Not only is being a police officer not for everyone, but being a police wife, or in our terms “police wifey”, is definitely not for every woman. We didn’t get a chance to celebrate too much for her making it to another blessed birthday, but just time with her and I alone, and with our four legged son, was a great time enough. Prior to her birthday weekend approaching, I had pondered on all the things her and I went through in us knowing each other for over eight years. I’m pretty sure there was a time in our early merging of our lives that we wasn’t sure if this marriage would work out or just sink like the Titanic.
Neither of our families and our friends have even half the information, or knowledge, of what her and I have been through. We have only told our families, and close friends, what we want them to know and to understand why we do certain things. As time goes along for the both of us, we have grown into a very strong team and have seen each other grow up physically, mentally and spiritually. She definitely gets the strong woman award in dealing with my work schedule I had while working in College Park, Maryland from us meeting in 2006 until I left in 2014. My wife, Natasha, is part of a police wife blog that she nearly checks on a daily basis, where police wives and newly wife members share ideas, ask questions of what to do when certain things happen and how to deal with his job hours. Some time ago, while I was still working in Maryland, my wife explained to other police wives about how my scheduled worked. She got nasty responses, not at her personally, but towards my work schedule, from other police wives in crime-ridden cities, such as Detroit, Miami, Los Angeles and St. Louis, don’t even deal with. They are more crime ridden than most towns and cities in Maryland combined, and they’re schedule wasn’t as asinine as ours.
The schedule I had to deal with on a regular basis was, in my opinion, stupid and idiotic, but was never changed for the better. We did at one time have permanent shifts, which is when I met Natasha, and everyone was happy and having a good time enjoying their work. Some genius (sarcasm) decided to jack up everyone’s happiness and well-being because apparently our “command staff” was afraid of corruption for having a permanent midnight shift. To me that was a bunch of bullshit, but that didn’t only break up everyone’s happiness, but broke up the best squad I’ve even been a part of. My wife had gotten used to our squad gatherings and inviting each other over to our homes for cookouts and whatnot. Even then she took the disturbance kind of personal, and had a few choice words that I can’t recite on here, lol! Once my schedule changed for the worse, it was at this point that our marriage would be tested through the waters of being a police wife and a police officer in trying to keep a happy home. For sure, there were some trying times in our marriage with holidays being missed, anniversaries being disrupted by me working, family time and gatherings being passed by and other traditions that got destroyed in the process.
My work schedule, at many times in our marriage, came up as a discussion and sometimes arguments. I can’t tell you how many times I had to stop my wife from coming down to the station so she didn’t curse out the captain or anyone wearing the brass rank. While many times our marriage was tested beyond anyone else’s patience and understanding, she was then diagnosed with Lupus in the summer of 2011. Her health challenges, along with my jacked up and idiotic schedule, made more of a strain at times and had her in a depressed mood nearly every week. Things got even worse for us when I was working evening shift, but hardly anyone at work even had an idea of what was going on at home. Most of our arguments and major disagreements came when I was working evenings, which at one point I made a mental note of and expressed my concerns to her about it. My wife even figured out that herself and we vowed to have better communication between each other, and make sure we express our emotions and discontent in a more normal tone. Sure, we had a lot of misunderstandings, but with my jacked up schedule and her dealing with the new diagnosed lupus disease, our marriage had to find another base level and made us realize we need to be very good to each other every day.
This woman has been extremely good to me and have been by my side through the worse and the best. No previous relationships I have ever had DO NOT compare to what I have now, and if I take the same problems her and I had in the past, and put it with those relationships, they would’ve failed miserably. Past relationship issues are kindergarten in comparison, and have definitely grown us up into wonderful human beings. I am in no way saying that our relationship/marriage is perfect now, but it is perfect for us and we owe no one any explanations as to why we do certain things. This woman has stuck by me when I had no power for over two months while living in Ellicott City, Maryland; major car problems; major financial problems; credit problems and etc. While all dealing with her inner demons of depression and wondering why she deserved my love all the time, and not just treat her horribly and leave. There is still a lot of things that everyone outside of the two of us don’t know, and as time goes on little will be let out at a time. Right now, my wife and I have moved on to a new chapter in our lives and marriage where we are much happier and healthier. With her lupus condition, for her, moving down south or southwest was not an option as the heat and/or humidity in the summer would nearly put her in the hospital on a weekly basis. Moving up to the northeast, back to her hometown no less, was the best move and this past winter was a great one for us, regardless of the massive snow storms and levels.
Since finding a new agency to work for I am much happier in my career, and it feels like I received a B12 shot. The schedule I work now are more of normal people hours and I get to be home with the family at night for the most part, unless I’m doing a transport or other duties. My wife and I were speaking about all this last night, while putting everything into perspective her and I have gone through too much for a marriage to sustain. However, we have made that happen in the past seven years going on eight, nine and ten years. It definitely takes a special woman to deal with my complicated and spoiled ass at times, but she knows me better than anyone else, family and friends, and vice versa. In a new career chapter in my life on the rise, she will be right next to me walking along the path and adjusting to new challenges as they arise. Our life up here is like living on cloud nine in comparison to living in the D.C. Metropolitan area, which is where I was born and raised. It was time for us to move and grow our wings elsewhere, as I felt stifled personally and career wise. Other police wives can learn a lot from my wife and gain good advice in how to deal with career changes, health challenges, surgeries, mental challenges and moving, along with horrible working hours and attempting to sustain a financial and marriage base. I hope one day she will write something on this blog to explain to you all what challenges she had to face in herself and with us. My wife is a trooper for real and I couldn’t have ask for anyone better!